female, nineteen, aspiring rcmp officer.
little by little, you're just letting yourself become [you].
I think she was afraid to love sometimes.
I think it scared her.
She was the type to like things that were concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it was... And I think that's why she also struggled with love. She couldn't touch it. She couldn't hold on to it and make sure it never changed.
how is it fair that despite everything he’s done, he’s living the dream and reaching all of his goals while i’m stuck where i am? i’m not complaining about where i am now, but i thought with all the hard work i’ve put into my life, it would have turned out better than his.
sure, he may be tattooing rather illegally, and his work is a little shoddy, but he’s actually trying to improve and to get all his papers in order/apprenticeship started. he always has a girl on his arm, no matter what day of the week it is. he’s couch-surfing, sleeping at a different friend’s place every night, but he’s completely, 100% happy with his life.
i’m stuck in a boring little town, working long hours at a job i completely despise, trying to finish my degree in crim because i want to work with the rcmp. i haven’t smoked anything in months, and i’ve cut back my drinking too. i’m starting to work out to meet the physical requirements for the rcmp, and in the little free time that i do have, i try to read some great works of literature [Dante’s Divine Comedy, Oedipus Rex, Pride and Prejudice, etc] so that i can keep up when school starts again in the fall. i’m not technically in a relationship with anyone, and even though i was single for the first four months of first-year, no one really tried hard enough to change that. no one notices me, this little librarian of a girl who wants to do nothing more than spend the rest of her life reading old, yellowed novels bound in leather.
i graduated, and he didn’t. i held down a respectable enough job, and he was fired by me. i applied myself and was rewarded for it, and he didn’t. i play it safe [always], and he doesn’t. is that why he’s getting everything he’s ever wanted, and more?
no, it can’t be. it just can’t.